so, i usually don't write these things unless i pretty much feel inspired, but... i don't know if I feel inspired, but I am in the middle of a five hour lay over in Philly ... so that counts.
It's interesting to think that this morning I was hanging out with people in Mainz, Germany and now i'm sitting here and going to see my family in a couple hours.
It's like our world is becoming smaller and smaller.
Ya know I've heard that people in Germany are kind of 'more angry' people etc.. but after being in the airport in Philly for only an hour or so I'm pretty sure the people in Germany were nicer. Maybe its just me, maybe its the whole northern thing that have going on here. who knows. Atleast everyone speaks English.
I find myself more daring now that I'm here.
Its crazy to be in a foreign place for so long and have so many things you want to know of find out but you just can't communicate and ask questions the way you want to. and now all of the sudden when everyone speaks your language you become more bold in your culture than you were before. You can actully fluently talk to people now! Wow!
America has a pretty awesome culture I think, it's funny all the little things we take for granted.
I think perhaps this Holiday season I am learning even more what it means to be truly Thankful.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Moment of a wise man
"I just thought it was another night. As I woke up I went through the routine. My two companions of research arrived and we began the evening like any other. John did a lot of reading, Dave spent hours engrossed over the maps, and I, like always, had my eye stuck to the telescope. In truth, I love what we do, and even though we have spent our lives waiting for this moment, I almost never believed it would come. All the hours of research, study, mapping out the skies and searching out the Scriptures. All the learning, all the teaching, all the waiting. Who knew that the daily routines of that particular day would bring us to such a glorious outcome!
Though there I was, starring through, counting and gazing as was the usual. But something was different tonight, the sky was gloriously clear and it even seemed brighter.
I looked around the constellations wondering to myself what it was that made tonight so clear. Then suddenly it happened! I caught my breathe, I was unable to move. Through the two lenses of glass it was as if I had actually caught a glimpse of heaven. The star was so bright, it was glorious… ‘could this be a mistake?’ It couldn’t be! It was unbelievable, after all this time here it was! From the East…
It was the sign.
When my mind began to catch up with the overflow of my emotions my arms began to fly around, all the while I didn’t seem capable of releasing my eye from the telescope.
At first I think my partners began to wonder if I had been possessed by evil spirits. But soon following my arms my brain seemed to signal forth something from the very depths of my soul to form the one single word of which was the only identifiable thing in the vocabulary of my existence at that moment… ‘Messiah.’
As soon as the word left my lips it was as if it inserted into the hearts of my companions. They knew. In a flight Dave pushed me over onto my side as he threw his eye in front of the lens. A look, a gasp for air, and a desperate glance back to John. There was no doubt, this was it. No more research needed to be done; we all knew it from our hearts, not only from our previously done work, but from the confession of our souls.
He was here!
What seemed like seconds later we were already riding on the trail. Even though we had traveled those hills countless times before, they seemed new. The path was fresh, our hearts were burning, and we rode our camels as if they were the king’s horses.
The journey went in a flash; we finally broke away from Herod, and came upon Bethlehem. It wasn’t hard to find Him now, the heavens testified to His whereabouts.
But after everything that had happened up to that moment, I could have never been prepared for what happened next…
We rounded the hill and where there would normally be simple darkness began a line of sheep, and as my eyes followed the narrow path up to where their masters stood, there was a magnificent glow coming from the normally dark and damp cave. It seemed even in such a dim place He was already drawing everything to Himself.
We unsaddled, unstrapped the gifts that we had brought, it was the best portions of what we had, but yet it felt unworthy for what we were about to do with it. I didn’t know whether to crawl or run.
But somehow here we are.
I have never felt this humbled before, I have never before been this alive; I have never felt more privileged and never more joyous as to be here in such a glorious place. Who I am doesn’t matter, what I’ve brought doesn’t matter, It doesn’t matter that I’m in a cave, it doesn’t matter that the rocks seem to pierce my knees...
All that matters is that in this moment, I am here.
I am worshipping the very Son of God."
Can you imagine being this man.
Heaven is always breaking in your world. Are you looking through the lenses God has given you? Are you pursuing the living God at full speed? Are you bringing the best of what you have to offer? Are you worshipping the Son of God?
Though there I was, starring through, counting and gazing as was the usual. But something was different tonight, the sky was gloriously clear and it even seemed brighter.
I looked around the constellations wondering to myself what it was that made tonight so clear. Then suddenly it happened! I caught my breathe, I was unable to move. Through the two lenses of glass it was as if I had actually caught a glimpse of heaven. The star was so bright, it was glorious… ‘could this be a mistake?’ It couldn’t be! It was unbelievable, after all this time here it was! From the East…
It was the sign.
When my mind began to catch up with the overflow of my emotions my arms began to fly around, all the while I didn’t seem capable of releasing my eye from the telescope.
At first I think my partners began to wonder if I had been possessed by evil spirits. But soon following my arms my brain seemed to signal forth something from the very depths of my soul to form the one single word of which was the only identifiable thing in the vocabulary of my existence at that moment… ‘Messiah.’
As soon as the word left my lips it was as if it inserted into the hearts of my companions. They knew. In a flight Dave pushed me over onto my side as he threw his eye in front of the lens. A look, a gasp for air, and a desperate glance back to John. There was no doubt, this was it. No more research needed to be done; we all knew it from our hearts, not only from our previously done work, but from the confession of our souls.
He was here!
What seemed like seconds later we were already riding on the trail. Even though we had traveled those hills countless times before, they seemed new. The path was fresh, our hearts were burning, and we rode our camels as if they were the king’s horses.
The journey went in a flash; we finally broke away from Herod, and came upon Bethlehem. It wasn’t hard to find Him now, the heavens testified to His whereabouts.
But after everything that had happened up to that moment, I could have never been prepared for what happened next…
We rounded the hill and where there would normally be simple darkness began a line of sheep, and as my eyes followed the narrow path up to where their masters stood, there was a magnificent glow coming from the normally dark and damp cave. It seemed even in such a dim place He was already drawing everything to Himself.
We unsaddled, unstrapped the gifts that we had brought, it was the best portions of what we had, but yet it felt unworthy for what we were about to do with it. I didn’t know whether to crawl or run.
But somehow here we are.
I have never felt this humbled before, I have never before been this alive; I have never felt more privileged and never more joyous as to be here in such a glorious place. Who I am doesn’t matter, what I’ve brought doesn’t matter, It doesn’t matter that I’m in a cave, it doesn’t matter that the rocks seem to pierce my knees...
All that matters is that in this moment, I am here.
I am worshipping the very Son of God."
Can you imagine being this man.
Heaven is always breaking in your world. Are you looking through the lenses God has given you? Are you pursuing the living God at full speed? Are you bringing the best of what you have to offer? Are you worshipping the Son of God?
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Living Neverland
When I was a kid, I loved it. Playing in the yard, building forts in the woods, playing army, power rangers, pirates, and batman. Today it seems as if we have so much media that we don’t have to stimulate our imagination anymore, but simply let everything else be it for us. It’s like we lose the desire to create in that the opportunity itself is robbed from us by our experiences with music, movies, tv, art, etc.
What is it that drives a man to become an adult? Sure there are times when you are a kid and you desire to become older only for the fact of being able to date, or drive, or stay out late. But I distinctly remember those years that it became a wrestle within my own existence. I wanted to become older so I could do these things, and the fact was I had begun to actually be older, and I was able to do some of those things. But the great boy within me fought it…Speaking of movies, it’s like in Hook when Robin Williams (Peter) is in Neverland again, there again in all his previous glory of his youth, but realizes he must go back home, he must continue being an adult, and he will never be able to go back to Neverland again. That is the way I felt inside. I didn’t want to grow up, but I wanted to. Even worse, it seemed I had no choice in the matter. I was growing up. Responsibilities forced me, peers pulled me, and love drove me. So with some tears I watched as my blissful youth began to fade away… The hours on end in the woods and around the yard, the make-believe office under the stairs, the day adventures of countless action figures, the imagination.
You see when you’re a kid your imagination is more than just what you think up, but it is what you act out. You never imaged fighting ninjas or pirates when you were a kid and just sat there on the couch…. What did you do? You jumped up, grabbed the nearest umbrella you could find and began fighting these villains off. You didn’t just watch power rangers and say that was cool, but when it was over you ran outside and began attempting cartwheels in the back yard. You thought if a kid and an alien could fly on a bicycle you and your dog should be able to as-well! A child with an imagination is a person on an active adventure journeying through the endless unknowns of an ever discovering mind.
But it’s like we’ve become adults, and somehow we have come to believe that that means no longer acting on our imaginations. Sure, perhaps we don’t dream about fighting ninjas anymore (or at least that often), but we do dream, we still have imagination.
Somewhere along the line we listened to some voice that told us it was no longer correct and proper to play with crayons, to mush playdoe together and then run it under water just to see what might happen. Somewhere along the line we developed this sense of what is right and what is wrong in society and since then we have been tamed lions. We no longer pounce but simply sleep. “The hyenas have taken over the pride land,” as one might say.
So what do we do? We grow up. Get jobs that we are decently satisfied with, that at least allow us to make an ok income. Some of us get married, which may become the last notion of dreams coming true that we have. Then we settle. We eat, sleep, work, live, love, and die. Somewhere about age 14 our imaginations gave way to new and better ways to live. Or so we think.
One of my favorite parts about the movie Hook is at the end of the movie when Peter gets back with his children from Neverland Peter gives a certain old man by the name of Tootles his marbles back which he had lost. But these aren’t just any marbles, it was Tootles happy thought, and the last image we see is this 70 year old dude flying around sky scrappers.
Pretty Cool.
My grandfather was probably the coolest older man in the world. He was a salesman and he went around in his brown ford van selling a little bit of everything you could think of to little country stores in middle Tennessee. Often I went with him on his daily routes. By the time I was 14 or so I probably new more about what he did than anyone else. I would help him with different things, organize his merchandise, price his cakes, and on and on. I grew up living off of Little Debbie cakes that he had to pick up after the dates were up. But we knew that they were still good for a long time after that! Anytime there was a torn package or broken toy he always gave it to me to have, to fix, or to play with. I was homeschooled so I had quite a bit of freedom as to where I did my work. So, for years I spent days and hours on end in the passenger seat of that brown ford van doing my homework and riding all over Tennessee. When we got home in the afternoons we would watch cartoons together or the Braves if they were on. Then perhaps later we would both go outside. He would work on his van or the yard and I would be off to another adventure. For me those years with Pop were Neverland, and I never wanted them to end.
But they did.
Years later I went off to college. Four of the best years of my life. I wouldn’t trade my experiences at Trevecca for anything. So many good times, good friends and relationships, and a great deal learned.
Over the past year or so I have really been beginning to learn what it means to live in Neverland. You see when Peter (Robin Williams) came back from Neverland for the last time he didn’t just settle back into the old routine, but things were changed now, he was different. His attitude, his character, his life, and the way he loved. I think Peter realized that Neverland was in his heart. He realized you don’t have to take the stairs anymore but you can climb the gutter, you don’t have to take the call anymore but you can throw the phone out the window, and Tootles realized you don’t have to wait around anymore but you can fly.
Neverland is Now.
Right now I am living in Germany, and as much as I would like to be home sometimes, there with my fiancé, there with my family, etc. I look out the window and know that I will miss all this when I am gone from here. I must let my imagination run while I’m here; I must enjoy this Neverland here in Germany while I have it. Because tomorrow it’s gone. We are all running from time in a way aren’t we?...As the old Crocodile slithers toward us. .. Then tomorrow will be a new day I must enjoy.
It is so easy to judge those who live by the seat of their imagination. But we crave it.
We thirst to live once again in Neverland, to dance in the living room, to scarf down Little Debbie cakes without a care, to jump off the couch and kick an invisible ninja across the room, to create our own rocket ship out of sheets and pillows and fly to the moon, we long to imagine! Too bad we have almost forgotten how.
I think in life, the people who are most fulfilled, the ones who make the world a better place, the ones who dance, the ones who transform society, the ones who invent, the ones who lead, the ones who live, are the ones who act on the dreams of their imagination.
Dream.
What is it that drives a man to become an adult? Sure there are times when you are a kid and you desire to become older only for the fact of being able to date, or drive, or stay out late. But I distinctly remember those years that it became a wrestle within my own existence. I wanted to become older so I could do these things, and the fact was I had begun to actually be older, and I was able to do some of those things. But the great boy within me fought it…Speaking of movies, it’s like in Hook when Robin Williams (Peter) is in Neverland again, there again in all his previous glory of his youth, but realizes he must go back home, he must continue being an adult, and he will never be able to go back to Neverland again. That is the way I felt inside. I didn’t want to grow up, but I wanted to. Even worse, it seemed I had no choice in the matter. I was growing up. Responsibilities forced me, peers pulled me, and love drove me. So with some tears I watched as my blissful youth began to fade away… The hours on end in the woods and around the yard, the make-believe office under the stairs, the day adventures of countless action figures, the imagination.
You see when you’re a kid your imagination is more than just what you think up, but it is what you act out. You never imaged fighting ninjas or pirates when you were a kid and just sat there on the couch…. What did you do? You jumped up, grabbed the nearest umbrella you could find and began fighting these villains off. You didn’t just watch power rangers and say that was cool, but when it was over you ran outside and began attempting cartwheels in the back yard. You thought if a kid and an alien could fly on a bicycle you and your dog should be able to as-well! A child with an imagination is a person on an active adventure journeying through the endless unknowns of an ever discovering mind.
But it’s like we’ve become adults, and somehow we have come to believe that that means no longer acting on our imaginations. Sure, perhaps we don’t dream about fighting ninjas anymore (or at least that often), but we do dream, we still have imagination.
Somewhere along the line we listened to some voice that told us it was no longer correct and proper to play with crayons, to mush playdoe together and then run it under water just to see what might happen. Somewhere along the line we developed this sense of what is right and what is wrong in society and since then we have been tamed lions. We no longer pounce but simply sleep. “The hyenas have taken over the pride land,” as one might say.
So what do we do? We grow up. Get jobs that we are decently satisfied with, that at least allow us to make an ok income. Some of us get married, which may become the last notion of dreams coming true that we have. Then we settle. We eat, sleep, work, live, love, and die. Somewhere about age 14 our imaginations gave way to new and better ways to live. Or so we think.
One of my favorite parts about the movie Hook is at the end of the movie when Peter gets back with his children from Neverland Peter gives a certain old man by the name of Tootles his marbles back which he had lost. But these aren’t just any marbles, it was Tootles happy thought, and the last image we see is this 70 year old dude flying around sky scrappers.
Pretty Cool.
My grandfather was probably the coolest older man in the world. He was a salesman and he went around in his brown ford van selling a little bit of everything you could think of to little country stores in middle Tennessee. Often I went with him on his daily routes. By the time I was 14 or so I probably new more about what he did than anyone else. I would help him with different things, organize his merchandise, price his cakes, and on and on. I grew up living off of Little Debbie cakes that he had to pick up after the dates were up. But we knew that they were still good for a long time after that! Anytime there was a torn package or broken toy he always gave it to me to have, to fix, or to play with. I was homeschooled so I had quite a bit of freedom as to where I did my work. So, for years I spent days and hours on end in the passenger seat of that brown ford van doing my homework and riding all over Tennessee. When we got home in the afternoons we would watch cartoons together or the Braves if they were on. Then perhaps later we would both go outside. He would work on his van or the yard and I would be off to another adventure. For me those years with Pop were Neverland, and I never wanted them to end.
But they did.
Years later I went off to college. Four of the best years of my life. I wouldn’t trade my experiences at Trevecca for anything. So many good times, good friends and relationships, and a great deal learned.
Over the past year or so I have really been beginning to learn what it means to live in Neverland. You see when Peter (Robin Williams) came back from Neverland for the last time he didn’t just settle back into the old routine, but things were changed now, he was different. His attitude, his character, his life, and the way he loved. I think Peter realized that Neverland was in his heart. He realized you don’t have to take the stairs anymore but you can climb the gutter, you don’t have to take the call anymore but you can throw the phone out the window, and Tootles realized you don’t have to wait around anymore but you can fly.
Neverland is Now.
Right now I am living in Germany, and as much as I would like to be home sometimes, there with my fiancé, there with my family, etc. I look out the window and know that I will miss all this when I am gone from here. I must let my imagination run while I’m here; I must enjoy this Neverland here in Germany while I have it. Because tomorrow it’s gone. We are all running from time in a way aren’t we?...As the old Crocodile slithers toward us. .. Then tomorrow will be a new day I must enjoy.
It is so easy to judge those who live by the seat of their imagination. But we crave it.
We thirst to live once again in Neverland, to dance in the living room, to scarf down Little Debbie cakes without a care, to jump off the couch and kick an invisible ninja across the room, to create our own rocket ship out of sheets and pillows and fly to the moon, we long to imagine! Too bad we have almost forgotten how.
I think in life, the people who are most fulfilled, the ones who make the world a better place, the ones who dance, the ones who transform society, the ones who invent, the ones who lead, the ones who live, are the ones who act on the dreams of their imagination.
Dream.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wax On, Wax Off
Did you ever watch the Karate Kid? Great movie.
Sometimes being here in life recently I feel like Daniel-Son.
All he wanted to do was learn karate from Mr. Miage. But everyday he went to Mr. Miage to train, he ended up washing and waxing cars, painting fences, and doing a list of things he never wanted to do in the first place! "Comon' Mr. Miage, I'm here to learn karate!"
Out of all the things that I have learned and that I am learning since I have been here in Mainz, Germany, the importance of daily routine stands out above most else.
It is in the daily routine that tomorrow becomes exciting.
It is in the daily routine that any change takes place.
It is in the daily routine that God meets with me and I meet with Him.
Life is in the daily routine.
It's an easy temptation for me to become frustrated and even bitter amidst the mundane daily tasks. Get up, go to meetings, clean alot of things, drive places, fix things that are broken, and do a whole list of things that are Not my calling, not what I am here for, not what I feel equipped to be doing with my life. But, wax on, wax off.
But it is in the waxing, that I believe God is forming me. Yes, even in the mundane things of day in and day out routine I believe God is working in all of us something great. Every great warrior has gone through great trials and training. I mean seriously, have you seen Rocky IV?
So, in the midst of what seems endless toil, I will do as the author of Ecclesiastes says and Enjoy it. I will not fakely put on a smile when I go into my day, but I will dress in the attitude of joy. Because I do not work for men, but for God. And if God wants me washing cars then I will do it.
I must have faith that perhaps through my waxing on and off, He Himself is perfecting me into a blackbelt for His kingdom.
I can already easily look back 6 months ago and see how much God has shown me, equipped me, and changed me for the better. There will always be times of waxing, but we must endure with joy and faith, because with life there will also come fighting.
So, I return to my daily washpan with joy as I live because today matters.
Sometimes being here in life recently I feel like Daniel-Son.
All he wanted to do was learn karate from Mr. Miage. But everyday he went to Mr. Miage to train, he ended up washing and waxing cars, painting fences, and doing a list of things he never wanted to do in the first place! "Comon' Mr. Miage, I'm here to learn karate!"
Out of all the things that I have learned and that I am learning since I have been here in Mainz, Germany, the importance of daily routine stands out above most else.
It is in the daily routine that tomorrow becomes exciting.
It is in the daily routine that any change takes place.
It is in the daily routine that God meets with me and I meet with Him.
Life is in the daily routine.
It's an easy temptation for me to become frustrated and even bitter amidst the mundane daily tasks. Get up, go to meetings, clean alot of things, drive places, fix things that are broken, and do a whole list of things that are Not my calling, not what I am here for, not what I feel equipped to be doing with my life. But, wax on, wax off.
But it is in the waxing, that I believe God is forming me. Yes, even in the mundane things of day in and day out routine I believe God is working in all of us something great. Every great warrior has gone through great trials and training. I mean seriously, have you seen Rocky IV?
So, in the midst of what seems endless toil, I will do as the author of Ecclesiastes says and Enjoy it. I will not fakely put on a smile when I go into my day, but I will dress in the attitude of joy. Because I do not work for men, but for God. And if God wants me washing cars then I will do it.
I must have faith that perhaps through my waxing on and off, He Himself is perfecting me into a blackbelt for His kingdom.
I can already easily look back 6 months ago and see how much God has shown me, equipped me, and changed me for the better. There will always be times of waxing, but we must endure with joy and faith, because with life there will also come fighting.
So, I return to my daily washpan with joy as I live because today matters.
December Update from Mainz
Things here in Germany are well. I am continually excited about how God is moving in lives, in the city of Mainz, and in our world! Just this morning I heard a great story. God is really starting to work in a man's life who has been coming to services off and on since we began KiA Mainz in July. A few nights ago we held a gathering at our house and Benjamin (the man) came. After a little while he sat down to talk to our pastor, Philip. This was different to begin with because Benjamin seems to be a very quiet person. He grew up in an orphanage here in Germany but he is now in his 30's I believe. So he sits Philip down and tells him about this dream he had just had the other night. Philp is thinking, "Oh boy, one of those..." :) (Because on a side note, we have met quite a few crazies through our ministry here.) But has he began to tell about his dream, Philip began to realize that this wasn't just a dream that Ben had had, but it was an encounter with the Almighty God! Benjamin described how he was driving alone in his car down this long road, there were no stops anywhere, just road. Finally, after driving and driving, he said he came upon this great bright light! Then he heard, "Bis hier und nicht weiter" which is "Until here and no further." So, Philip asked him what he thought the dream meant and Benjamin began referring to God. Then Philip said well do you think you should invite God in and let Him come into the car with you? And Benjamin responded, I already have! He then began to describe to Philip how great life was now and how something was different, he was changed! I praise GOD because He has and is doing a great work in Benjamin's life. And I believe that seeds are being sown in so many other hearts just like Benjamin's. Fact is, we can create as many opportunites for people to meet God, but it is always God who is the One to act and we respond. I am learning how much God is a consistant and faithful God. We must live our lives in expectancy, expecting God to act, because He is faithful and He will act, and we must have faith. Tomorrow two people from our church team is going back to the United States. So, be praying for them and us who are here as-well. Pray that God will continue to send people for His work here in Mainz! Thank you for your prayers for me I can tell that God is continually moving in my life. I am excited about each day and excited about the future! Thank you so much for being a part of this ministry. You are a critical piece to the Body of Christ and to the Arm reaching Germany. I look forward to seeing some of you perhaps while I am home a few days over Christmas. Update me on your life...!May the Father of all mercy and the God of all comfort be with you.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
A Midwife
I want to be a midwife too.
Socrates started it.
Kierkegaard encouraged it.
If I could help people give birth to their own faith
Bring them to the edge of the cliff and be near them as they realize they must jump.
If I could help someone have a baby of faith
Then they would be able to live in two realms at once.
They would be able to see themselves in their baby
They would see themselves act in the world flawlessly
But they would know themselves to be firmly grounded in another
Their own body would testify that they must live in the infinite
Where there is infinite possibilities within the true infinity defined by trinity
Their own body is caught up within infinity
While a part of themselves; their child, flawlessly discovers the world with their innocence
The parent teaches the child who they are
But the parent is no parent without the child
They require each other
The baby who started out with boring bubbles and giggles
Grow into an adult run by what must be - I think they call this responsibility
Oh! But once that grown child has a baby!
It must be that they know two worlds!
The adult has a life; but it is the baby!
So faith is born out of that ethical one who has born the aestetic
And what a miricle it is.
And how natural it is that all should be this way.
A birth is no small act of God. For without him it is impossible.
Yet every ordinary birth happens this way.
As for me I stand on both ends of the abyss
I stand in the world while I becon the jumper from beyond.
Only the faithful one can be a midwife
Otherwise they might drop the baby directly after birth, having left to help another
Or they also might only show up at the last moment (coming from a party no doubt) when all the pain is over only to realize that the drama is gone and they have lost the experience and are never able to understand how the baby came.
Yes. A midwife must be faithful.
And their faith in God causes this
For no one can have faith except by relation to One beyond themselves.
And no one can give life except by the the one who gave it to them to despense
The currency is none other than seen every day
But life is dependant on love
And only a dependant life can realize
That love is the movement
That causes the baby
For I cannot believe a baby is born any other way.
Socrates started it.
Kierkegaard encouraged it.
If I could help people give birth to their own faith
Bring them to the edge of the cliff and be near them as they realize they must jump.
If I could help someone have a baby of faith
Then they would be able to live in two realms at once.
They would be able to see themselves in their baby
They would see themselves act in the world flawlessly
But they would know themselves to be firmly grounded in another
Their own body would testify that they must live in the infinite
Where there is infinite possibilities within the true infinity defined by trinity
Their own body is caught up within infinity
While a part of themselves; their child, flawlessly discovers the world with their innocence
The parent teaches the child who they are
But the parent is no parent without the child
They require each other
The baby who started out with boring bubbles and giggles
Grow into an adult run by what must be - I think they call this responsibility
Oh! But once that grown child has a baby!
It must be that they know two worlds!
The adult has a life; but it is the baby!
So faith is born out of that ethical one who has born the aestetic
And what a miricle it is.
And how natural it is that all should be this way.
A birth is no small act of God. For without him it is impossible.
Yet every ordinary birth happens this way.
As for me I stand on both ends of the abyss
I stand in the world while I becon the jumper from beyond.
Only the faithful one can be a midwife
Otherwise they might drop the baby directly after birth, having left to help another
Or they also might only show up at the last moment (coming from a party no doubt) when all the pain is over only to realize that the drama is gone and they have lost the experience and are never able to understand how the baby came.
Yes. A midwife must be faithful.
And their faith in God causes this
For no one can have faith except by relation to One beyond themselves.
And no one can give life except by the the one who gave it to them to despense
The currency is none other than seen every day
But life is dependant on love
And only a dependant life can realize
That love is the movement
That causes the baby
For I cannot believe a baby is born any other way.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Endurance
All of life is but endurance
All evil we meet we must endure
Yes every pain, every fault, every wish and dream
Can we really love life?
Is it really ours to possess?
To own? To endure?
Aren't we here for more than endurance?
We are forgiven, but bound
Free, but prisoners in the world
All we long for is available, but impossible
I can't get it
It must be given
All of life is but endurance
And a necessary goal-possessed endurance it is
All evil we meet we must endure
Yes every pain, every fault, every wish and dream
Can we really love life?
Is it really ours to possess?
To own? To endure?
Aren't we here for more than endurance?
We are forgiven, but bound
Free, but prisoners in the world
All we long for is available, but impossible
I can't get it
It must be given
All of life is but endurance
And a necessary goal-possessed endurance it is
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Current Update
The lastest email home:
"Hello! Today is the beginning of a new week here for us at KiA Mainz. Even though the weather continually grows bleaker and colder, the heat waves of the kingdom of God are unceasing. I feel privalegded to be doing the work of the Lord here in Mainz, Germany. Even though it may not always be easy or easily seen, it is such a blessing to be a part of it all and witness how God is changing lives. As we are the church we can see how we are not only growing wider here, but deeper as-well. The people who are coming to the Bible studies and the services are beginning to really become a family with the rest of us. We are expanding from about 4 or 5 impact groups, that go out and serve the community in various ways, to 8 groups. People are so curious here as to what it is we do and even more... Why we do what it is we do. It's always great to hear people ask questions because that opens doors to invest into their hearts. There is one particular man that I have been trying to invest in. I usually spend atleast one afternoon a week with him and he teaches me German and I try to teach him English. He doesn't profess to be a Christian but by his lifestyle you would think he was. He is seeking God very intensely and I know that God is revealing Himself to him. It is an encouragement to watch. He has come from a mostly Muslim culture but recognizes what a wrong path it is. This last week as I was spending some time with him he began to tell me how his place was my place.... so I taught him: "Mi casa su casa," being the good English teacher that I am :) . But after that he began to say how he felt like I was kind of like his little brother... I was very moved to hear that. After only a few months this guy already feels so close and comfortable with me to say that. He is moving into the family of God step by step whether he knows it or not! God is Awesome! Please be praying for Hosam Gened. There are stories similar to that happening to almost every person on our team. God is building His church. And not just here but it is being built accross the world! And You are a part of it! I hope that you are continually letting God use you and create new stories in your life everyday. Thank you for being a part of my ministry. I want to be a part of yours as-well. Let me know how I can be praying for you. I want to hear your stories.Also, be praying for me as I am preaching this coming Sunday. Pray that God will give me His word for His people. I appreciate also if you will continue to pray for my fiance, Emily, and me as we are seeking the Lord's guidance as we decide our next step pursuing ministry together after we are married in May. I pray that the LORD's unconditional love would be made real in your life today.Thank you for your prayers and support. In Christ!Caleb Haynes "Therefore, my dear brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the Lord's work, knowing that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." - 1st Corinthians 15:58 "
"Hello! Today is the beginning of a new week here for us at KiA Mainz. Even though the weather continually grows bleaker and colder, the heat waves of the kingdom of God are unceasing. I feel privalegded to be doing the work of the Lord here in Mainz, Germany. Even though it may not always be easy or easily seen, it is such a blessing to be a part of it all and witness how God is changing lives. As we are the church we can see how we are not only growing wider here, but deeper as-well. The people who are coming to the Bible studies and the services are beginning to really become a family with the rest of us. We are expanding from about 4 or 5 impact groups, that go out and serve the community in various ways, to 8 groups. People are so curious here as to what it is we do and even more... Why we do what it is we do. It's always great to hear people ask questions because that opens doors to invest into their hearts. There is one particular man that I have been trying to invest in. I usually spend atleast one afternoon a week with him and he teaches me German and I try to teach him English. He doesn't profess to be a Christian but by his lifestyle you would think he was. He is seeking God very intensely and I know that God is revealing Himself to him. It is an encouragement to watch. He has come from a mostly Muslim culture but recognizes what a wrong path it is. This last week as I was spending some time with him he began to tell me how his place was my place.... so I taught him: "Mi casa su casa," being the good English teacher that I am :) . But after that he began to say how he felt like I was kind of like his little brother... I was very moved to hear that. After only a few months this guy already feels so close and comfortable with me to say that. He is moving into the family of God step by step whether he knows it or not! God is Awesome! Please be praying for Hosam Gened. There are stories similar to that happening to almost every person on our team. God is building His church. And not just here but it is being built accross the world! And You are a part of it! I hope that you are continually letting God use you and create new stories in your life everyday. Thank you for being a part of my ministry. I want to be a part of yours as-well. Let me know how I can be praying for you. I want to hear your stories.Also, be praying for me as I am preaching this coming Sunday. Pray that God will give me His word for His people. I appreciate also if you will continue to pray for my fiance, Emily, and me as we are seeking the Lord's guidance as we decide our next step pursuing ministry together after we are married in May. I pray that the LORD's unconditional love would be made real in your life today.Thank you for your prayers and support. In Christ!Caleb Haynes "Therefore, my dear brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the Lord's work, knowing that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." - 1st Corinthians 15:58 "
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
A Lament
I have been so sheltered. Up until now the only implications that my gender has had on who I am in Christ is the occasional party or lunch meeting. It seems that I have, once again, been humbled by the grace of God. I have been brought up in heaven. For heaven is where the Kingdom of God comes to earth. In Christ making me like himself, throughout my life he has enabled others, who have been advocates on behalf of women (like me) who are lead into leadership and the 'equipping of the saints,' to open the Kingdom of God to me. Now that I see that heaven is not the norm for the world, I am in a place to realize the grace that God has allowed me up until now. I am sad that man does not measure me by my heart. I join the cry of God's children in saying, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down, but not destroyed (2 Cor 4:8-9). The signs were not blatant. A glance by One, at all the guys at the table, that excluded only me, a feeling of dismissal, and a realization that 'pastoral' ministry was on the top of the unwritten list of important things for the determination of important people were the warning signs. Most hard to swallow, and easiest to ignore, was the 'opportunity' of one man. He ended the night by approaching me and telling me that an opportunity might be available; not for me, but for my fiance. I am disappointed because I was not seen, and I was not validated. I am the one who bakes bread for another to eat. I am disappointed at myself for groveling at the importance of a man who offered me an offense while offering my finance a job. I, too, judge man by his outward appearance. As a ebed of my Lord, here is my response:
Lord how long will you abide in shadows?
I am attacked in daylight by my brother
There is no one to affirm my identity
My tears are scorned by my own
I am tempted to forget who you made me in order to become desirable
Why has your desire for me not attacked me?
Why am I not protected from ignorant insults of insignificance?
For your sake I endure insults
I appear fine, but you hear my despairing cry!
My bones cry out and my composure lies
I cannot deliver myself from the trouble I endure
I deserved death, but your grace is sufficient
Apply my identity to my humanity!
As my lawyer, defend my mind and my heart
Act on the behalf of your servant
When you restore my honor, I will worship you
I will declare to your face the tears of humility
When you rescue me I will remember your love
Deliver me for your own name's sake
I am your dependant one
I will speak of the Christ forever
-Emily
Lord how long will you abide in shadows?
I am attacked in daylight by my brother
There is no one to affirm my identity
My tears are scorned by my own
I am tempted to forget who you made me in order to become desirable
Why has your desire for me not attacked me?
Why am I not protected from ignorant insults of insignificance?
For your sake I endure insults
I appear fine, but you hear my despairing cry!
My bones cry out and my composure lies
I cannot deliver myself from the trouble I endure
I deserved death, but your grace is sufficient
Apply my identity to my humanity!
As my lawyer, defend my mind and my heart
Act on the behalf of your servant
When you restore my honor, I will worship you
I will declare to your face the tears of humility
When you rescue me I will remember your love
Deliver me for your own name's sake
I am your dependant one
I will speak of the Christ forever
-Emily
Monday, November 3, 2008
Jesus
"We decided that finding Jesus wasn't that difficult. It's just that sometimes He seems to hide behind trees and clouds. Other times He is a little more bold and looks at us through human eyes and smiles at us with human lips and teeth. Sometimes He is even so kind as to reach out and touch us."
-This Beautiful Mess pg 102
-This Beautiful Mess pg 102
Friday, October 31, 2008
The State of the World: Our Action Views
You have heard that it is said, "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime." But I tell you, give a man a fish so that he can concentrate while you teach him how, and then be his friend; for what good is food to satisfy the stomach if the soul starves.
And when we are without food and friend:
"Christ's cross does not always protect us from our own crosses."
-The New Interpreter's Bible Commentary on 1 Peter 2:18-3:7, Reflection 5
And when we are without food and friend:
"Christ's cross does not always protect us from our own crosses."
-The New Interpreter's Bible Commentary on 1 Peter 2:18-3:7, Reflection 5
Maker Moments
Waiting is fast and slow.
Once the blessed day arrives,
It seems as if no time has passed at all.
But waiting for the day to come,
Each excruciating moment is felt,
And each one is connnected to another,
Until you are worn down by their gravity,
And you would give up the pain in a second.
Nothing is more impossible.
For who can give up their love?
Knowing one moment they will know
That the blessed day is really blessed
And the love is really love
For it is consumated.
Both souls in agreement
As moments collide,
And waiting fulfilled.
Once the blessed day arrives,
It seems as if no time has passed at all.
But waiting for the day to come,
Each excruciating moment is felt,
And each one is connnected to another,
Until you are worn down by their gravity,
And you would give up the pain in a second.
Nothing is more impossible.
For who can give up their love?
Knowing one moment they will know
That the blessed day is really blessed
And the love is really love
For it is consumated.
Both souls in agreement
As moments collide,
And waiting fulfilled.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
The Gift of Freedom
Robert W. Jenson says in his Systematic Theology, “Faith as my act is that I give up my attained self in order to receive myself from the Coming One who just as such undoes all security. But when I try to perform this act, I of course achieve the opposite, for I necessarily do it within my project of self-securing, even if in this case religiously.”
This is exactly what I have been coming to realize. I felt myself becoming a stoic by my own might in order that I might achieve Christianity. I gave up all I knew to manipulate and get the thing I wanted; God. It is not so bad to desire God. Isn’t that what we sing? “You are all I want. You are all I long for. Nothing I desire compares with you.” Don’t we teach that we should throw off everything that entangles us? My combination of these two formative Christian teachings lead me to desire God with the only thing I thought I had. Kierkegaard said that there is a double-movement to faith. First you give everything up, and then you receive everything back as a gift. Fear and Trembling is itself written by one (Johannes de Silentio) who cannot reason himself and think himself into faith. Jenson clarifies Kierkegaard’s leap of faith by saying the gift undoes all security. As I found out, the gift of the Coming One is really that he came so that I can give up my attained self. In this giving up, all security vanishes. Security is that part of a person who reserves the right to take forceful action against someone or something that threaten the perceived well being of the self. In the coming of the Coming One I have the option of giving that up. It is possible to give up everything you have except your own security. I kept my security and gave up all that I had, honestly ignorant that I maintained security. Performing the faith, I was enslaved to my own security and I fought to control myself knowing this was the demand of God. Thanks be to God whose revelation continues, I have realized that security is the enemy of the gift of freedom. To give up yourself to God is to be unable to retain security in case God does something wrong. It is pure love, undefiled union. This faith trusts God in whatever happens. I knows and sees the threats it use to trust, but now new eyes have caused a revelatory transformation of those objects. They now appear as gifts.
This is exactly what I have been coming to realize. I felt myself becoming a stoic by my own might in order that I might achieve Christianity. I gave up all I knew to manipulate and get the thing I wanted; God. It is not so bad to desire God. Isn’t that what we sing? “You are all I want. You are all I long for. Nothing I desire compares with you.” Don’t we teach that we should throw off everything that entangles us? My combination of these two formative Christian teachings lead me to desire God with the only thing I thought I had. Kierkegaard said that there is a double-movement to faith. First you give everything up, and then you receive everything back as a gift. Fear and Trembling is itself written by one (Johannes de Silentio) who cannot reason himself and think himself into faith. Jenson clarifies Kierkegaard’s leap of faith by saying the gift undoes all security. As I found out, the gift of the Coming One is really that he came so that I can give up my attained self. In this giving up, all security vanishes. Security is that part of a person who reserves the right to take forceful action against someone or something that threaten the perceived well being of the self. In the coming of the Coming One I have the option of giving that up. It is possible to give up everything you have except your own security. I kept my security and gave up all that I had, honestly ignorant that I maintained security. Performing the faith, I was enslaved to my own security and I fought to control myself knowing this was the demand of God. Thanks be to God whose revelation continues, I have realized that security is the enemy of the gift of freedom. To give up yourself to God is to be unable to retain security in case God does something wrong. It is pure love, undefiled union. This faith trusts God in whatever happens. I knows and sees the threats it use to trust, but now new eyes have caused a revelatory transformation of those objects. They now appear as gifts.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Truth
Today has been a great day. Very relaxing.
I spent most of the morning.. well morning .. sleeping.
But then! I got up and was able to really just sit down and enjoyably organize my life a little.
We had a KiA event tonight and it was great. There are always a few new faces. It is awesome to see God working His way into peoples hearts as they slowly begin to become open to Him. Community and Fellowship are really happening and I think almost more than anything having great affect.
There is one man in particular. His name is Christian. I finally discovered that he is originally from Hungary, I think at some point in his life he might have lived in the U.S. for a little while, but obviously now he is residing in Germany. He is homeless as far as I can tell. I often see him anytime I go into the city. Sometimes I see him at certain spots playing his harmonica for whatever change he can get. My heart goes out for Christian. He has such a sweet spirit about him. Always smiling. The hard part is that he really doesn't speak much German at all, and it seems he knows even less English. But even so I always try to communicate with him, it usually doesn't go to far. But as time goes I can feel a deeper connection with him building. As I can look across the room and catch a smile from him or just wave as I see him out. Despite the language barrier he comes to all the KiA Events. Perhaps he understands more than he can speak, in which case I totally understand. But I don't know.
Tonight I saw Christian, this man I often see playing his harmonica for music on the streets, give during the offering. More than that, God saw Christian.
I am more and more learning that God is working in a lot more lives than we recognize. I am learning that God is a lot closer to the hearts of people who may not even know the name of "Jesus." I believe we have so often created such a formula for someone to follow through to come to know God. But I am learning, I'm not so sure there is one. I know that the things I see people do, the good acts and intentions that I see people have, their hearts, could only have something good if it were from God. Only God is good. God is breaking in to lives everywhere. We must see that, and accept it, and support it, and nourish it. God is found where truth is found..And Truth is found everywhere. Keep your eyes open.
I spent most of the morning.. well morning .. sleeping.
But then! I got up and was able to really just sit down and enjoyably organize my life a little.
We had a KiA event tonight and it was great. There are always a few new faces. It is awesome to see God working His way into peoples hearts as they slowly begin to become open to Him. Community and Fellowship are really happening and I think almost more than anything having great affect.
There is one man in particular. His name is Christian. I finally discovered that he is originally from Hungary, I think at some point in his life he might have lived in the U.S. for a little while, but obviously now he is residing in Germany. He is homeless as far as I can tell. I often see him anytime I go into the city. Sometimes I see him at certain spots playing his harmonica for whatever change he can get. My heart goes out for Christian. He has such a sweet spirit about him. Always smiling. The hard part is that he really doesn't speak much German at all, and it seems he knows even less English. But even so I always try to communicate with him, it usually doesn't go to far. But as time goes I can feel a deeper connection with him building. As I can look across the room and catch a smile from him or just wave as I see him out. Despite the language barrier he comes to all the KiA Events. Perhaps he understands more than he can speak, in which case I totally understand. But I don't know.
Tonight I saw Christian, this man I often see playing his harmonica for music on the streets, give during the offering. More than that, God saw Christian.
I am more and more learning that God is working in a lot more lives than we recognize. I am learning that God is a lot closer to the hearts of people who may not even know the name of "Jesus." I believe we have so often created such a formula for someone to follow through to come to know God. But I am learning, I'm not so sure there is one. I know that the things I see people do, the good acts and intentions that I see people have, their hearts, could only have something good if it were from God. Only God is good. God is breaking in to lives everywhere. We must see that, and accept it, and support it, and nourish it. God is found where truth is found..And Truth is found everywhere. Keep your eyes open.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
The Importance of Time
Even though the morning was foggy, today has turned into a beautiful October day. I thought it would be a good day for a walk. No sun screen today, I need my vitamin D, it's getting more rare to come by in Germany in October. My walk takes me through a part of the neighborhood in which I've never been. And then I see the stone gateway in which leads me into a beautiful cemetary. As is common at 3:30 on a fall day here the sun has already begun some what of a descent into the west. All the different colours of the season have finally truly made their arrival. I'm unsure of what I find more appealing, the beautiful greens, yellows, reds, brown that I see above and around me, or the places they have so rained upon, as I gaze at the newly decorated graves. Every tombstone is erect, and it just feels as if they all have a story to tell. But I cannot hear it. As the sun goes farther down, I notice each monument is facing foward to the east. And the shadows cast over the ground, where underneath - something lifeless lay.
The rays of the sun come and touch my cheek warming me. As if the grace of God were stretching out to me. I feel it. I feel it now just as Anna Muy felt it - somewhere between September 30th 1886 and December 31st 1975.
And I can't help but think I will soon follow Anna. It says she was born 100 years before me. I would say that would be a blessed life to live to 2075. But thats all I know about her - she lived to be 89, it seems she had some family, and there is a cross on her tombstone. I have lived a great 22 years so far. I honestly love my life - all my family and friends, all the stories I have, all the memories. Most of All, God has been faithful to me so much more than I know how to say or comprehend.
The leaves fall.
I feel somehow that I, we all, are one of them. If I live my life, and am blessed enough to have such adventures, my life time over again three times - I'll be about where Anna was. If I'm blessed.
(Reading "Today Matters" by John Maxwell )
chapter - 'Priorites'
What are my priorities?
We must manage our life before it is gone.
We must harness our time.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Currently I am living in Mainz, Germany. I spend my time here ministering.
Which in saying that, it always seems to sound a little funny. Because truly that is what we are all called to do as we follow Christ. That is, to spend our lives ministering. But I suppose I would say it is my "profession" if you will. And that sounds even more strange... because I do not do what I do to get rich, or any money for that matter. If that is what I wanted, I simply wouldn't waste my time with a profession of ministry. I take on this way of life because I have been equipped and called by my God to do this work. We have all been equipped by God for something. Some of us are equipped in engineering, some of us are equipped for working with babies, and some of us are equipped to counsel. I happen to be equipped to preach and teach. Also, as we are in Christ, we have all been given gifts. Some of us have gifts of generosity, some faith, and others healing. I myself have been gifted with pastoring/shepherding, encouraging, and leading. Even though it seems we all have some tastes of many different gifts, I believe these are my strongest. Ok, so I know what I am equipped for, what I am gifted with. But what do I do with all that? What I must understand then is what I am passionate about. What is it in this world that gets my stomach churning, what are the things that I see that I simply can not leave alone. What are the injustices around me that I must fight against or die!? What do I love? Some have heavy hearts and great passions to see hungry people fed, others have a passion to see great quality structures built, or even others might have a passion to help the sick and diseased. Sure again I would say we all have something inside us that would like to see all these good things happen. But my passion lies with people. But maybe even more specific, the people of God. My heart burns for the church. I can't stand to see the people of God in places where they are not being discipled, where they are not maturing, where they are not excercizing their faith.
All that to say, that is why my profession is ministry. Even beyond that though... why should I call what I do ministry? Doesn't the person who is equipped to work with children, gifted with generosity, and passionate about hungry kids in the world have just as much right as me to say their profession is ministry. Doesn't the person who is equipped to engineer, gifted with discernment, and passionate about building quality things have the right to call whatever they do ministry as they do it all for the sake of Christ!? I think so. The people of God must wake up and realize that each and everyone of us are called to do the very same things the Apostles did. To make disciples in the nations.
We have far too long attempted to draw line between those who minister and those who "don't." I am no more of a minister than any other member in the body of Christ. We are all called to impact the world and invest in the lives around us for Christ. Don't write that off and say that it is someone's else job to do that. God is tired of fat Christian. I don't mean size, but I mean heart, soul, and mind as-well. We are so good and soaking up God, and getting all the "I Need" out of Him. But being straight forward with you - we absolutely and positively (and repusively) are horrible at putting feet on our faith. We have become gluttons. This may sound shrude and harsh. But Christians have tried to be too nice for too long.
God is waiting to use us. But we must first stand up, we must first understand who we are, what we are equpped and gifted to do. We must get angry against the injustices in our world. And we must Act. I pray we Act.
Which in saying that, it always seems to sound a little funny. Because truly that is what we are all called to do as we follow Christ. That is, to spend our lives ministering. But I suppose I would say it is my "profession" if you will. And that sounds even more strange... because I do not do what I do to get rich, or any money for that matter. If that is what I wanted, I simply wouldn't waste my time with a profession of ministry. I take on this way of life because I have been equipped and called by my God to do this work. We have all been equipped by God for something. Some of us are equipped in engineering, some of us are equipped for working with babies, and some of us are equipped to counsel. I happen to be equipped to preach and teach. Also, as we are in Christ, we have all been given gifts. Some of us have gifts of generosity, some faith, and others healing. I myself have been gifted with pastoring/shepherding, encouraging, and leading. Even though it seems we all have some tastes of many different gifts, I believe these are my strongest. Ok, so I know what I am equipped for, what I am gifted with. But what do I do with all that? What I must understand then is what I am passionate about. What is it in this world that gets my stomach churning, what are the things that I see that I simply can not leave alone. What are the injustices around me that I must fight against or die!? What do I love? Some have heavy hearts and great passions to see hungry people fed, others have a passion to see great quality structures built, or even others might have a passion to help the sick and diseased. Sure again I would say we all have something inside us that would like to see all these good things happen. But my passion lies with people. But maybe even more specific, the people of God. My heart burns for the church. I can't stand to see the people of God in places where they are not being discipled, where they are not maturing, where they are not excercizing their faith.
All that to say, that is why my profession is ministry. Even beyond that though... why should I call what I do ministry? Doesn't the person who is equipped to work with children, gifted with generosity, and passionate about hungry kids in the world have just as much right as me to say their profession is ministry. Doesn't the person who is equipped to engineer, gifted with discernment, and passionate about building quality things have the right to call whatever they do ministry as they do it all for the sake of Christ!? I think so. The people of God must wake up and realize that each and everyone of us are called to do the very same things the Apostles did. To make disciples in the nations.
We have far too long attempted to draw line between those who minister and those who "don't." I am no more of a minister than any other member in the body of Christ. We are all called to impact the world and invest in the lives around us for Christ. Don't write that off and say that it is someone's else job to do that. God is tired of fat Christian. I don't mean size, but I mean heart, soul, and mind as-well. We are so good and soaking up God, and getting all the "I Need" out of Him. But being straight forward with you - we absolutely and positively (and repusively) are horrible at putting feet on our faith. We have become gluttons. This may sound shrude and harsh. But Christians have tried to be too nice for too long.
God is waiting to use us. But we must first stand up, we must first understand who we are, what we are equpped and gifted to do. We must get angry against the injustices in our world. And we must Act. I pray we Act.
